Donald Trump: Necromancer
by Amanda Lash


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This is a work of humorous fantasy as well as political parody. Any persons who actually exist are public figures and depictions here are exaggerated and used for purposes of satire and political commentary as protected by law and the first amendment of the U.S. constitution.<br /><br />In this, the first story in a new series featuring a character from Dark Elves, Dragons and Dinosaurs as well as Beholder Baseball and Other Bad Ideas, Magnus the scientist who formerly 'dated' Lorelei the dark elf priestess is now in Manhattan and single. He is visited in the dead of night by a dead folksinger, who is now a vampire and needs his assistance on a mission to take down a dangerous necromancer. He tells him his ex-girlfriend is already handling it (see The Succubus Apprentice) but Phil says not that necromancer. Another one. One who is on the verge of becoming president.<br /><br />Excerpt:<br /><br />&#x201c;Have you considered she doesn&#x2019;t exist? That you might have hallucinations from taking LSD or maybe even a psychotic manifestation of your own latent psychic powers?&#x201d;<br /><br />&#x201c;C&#x2019;mon kid, you don&#x2019;t teach your grandma how to suck eggs and you don&#x2019;t tell an old folksinger how to take acid. I know my way around a hallucination believe me, this is the real thing. And you&#x2019;ll know it too when she visits you.&#x201d;<br /><br />&#x201c;Great, just what I need. More mysterious, incredibly powerful beautiful women. I&#x2019;ve been trying to get away from that kind of thing.&#x201d;<br /><br />&#x201c;Yeah good luck with that. In the meantime consider yourself temporarily conscripted in a good cause.&#x201d;<br /><br />&#x201c;I already volunteered&#x201d; Magnus protested.<br /><br />&#x201c;Yeah but volunteers can unvolunteer&#x2026; you can&#x2019;t.&#x201d;<br /><br />&#x201c;I thought you were against the draft&#x201d; Magnus mumbled under his breath.<br /><br />&#x201c;This is too important&#x201d; Phil said, vampires have excellent hearing. &#x201c;We have to stop him or he&#x2019;ll crush the very idea of democracy and freedom in America.&#x201d;<br /><br />&#x201c;Because he&#x2019;s a necromancer?&#x201d;<br /><br />Phil shook his head. &#x201c;Because he&#x2019;s a Republican.&#x201d;<br /><br />another excerpt:<br /><br />Phil and Magnus regarded an unassuming bar with an antiquated style picture of a stallion and an onager as it&#x2019;s only designation. <br />&#x201c;It may not look like much&#x201d; Phil was saying &#x201c;but it&#x2019;s the most popular gathering place for the supernatural community in Washington D.C.&#x201d;<br /><br />&#x201c;I get that, it&#x2019;s fine. I just feel weird. Last time I was in D.C. was for a convention for paleontologists at the Smithsonian. Now I&#x2019;m gathering to lead a revolution in a bar called the horse&#x2019;s ass.&#x201d;<br /><br />&#x201c;This isn&#x2019;t the revolution. This is just the recruiting drive man. Anyone ever tell you you&#x2019;re kind of a drama queen?&#x201d;<br />&#x201c;All the time&#x201d; Magnus said with a slight smile thinking of his former Dark Elf mistress. She had flayed him often, occasionally with words and drama queen had featured prominently in her critiques, once she&#x2019;d learned the term. The beautiful sorceress and former death priestess had little tolerance for sentimentality. <br /><br />